I see now where you're coming from with the culture angie, but that, I believe, was a mistaken idea on your part. There is absolutely no American, single norm about how soon and how often a partner will be included in family events. After a woman begins living with a partner, it would then be customary to regard the two of them as "an item" and invite the woman to bring her partner to family get togethers. But someone you're dating is not typically regarded as a "partner." Many Americans think of a "partner"as someone you live with, or have been commited to for years. Whether one brings a boyfriend or girlfriend to an event varies on a case-by-case basis, depending on a number of considerations. Someone you're dating, even after 3 years, should not have an expectation to be included in all family doings. It all depends. Typically, they might be . . . as in, "Why not?" But I have known several situations where a divorced couple co-hosted an event for a child and each of them came alone. This is sometimes done when one of the former spouses has moved on to a new relationship, and the other has not. The fact that your mom hasn't made her second relationship very known to her family is all the more reason wby there's nothing automatic about her bringing this guy to an event.

Your mom doesn't have to report to your dad about who she's dating. However to spring it on him at children's graduation could be considered insensitive, if he's still grieving the failure of the marriage.

Therapists should not be assigning possible diagnoses to people they haven't met. It doesn't really serve any good purpose. It doesn't change how you analyze situations, or figure out how to proceed. It has become all the rage for everybody to be diagnosing everyone else they know. This is silly, IMHO. It doesn't really shed any light on anything.