I have a confession to make. The people on this forum will probably really resent me for this. I didn't know if this should go here or in the psychotherapy forum, but i decided on here because i thought maybe some of you might know what i'm going through.

I've had issues with eating for awhile. I despise what i see in the mirror. i've been overweight, and totally depressed about it. i went back and forth between starving and bingeing, starving and bingeing. for awhile starving was winning and i got pretty thin, then the bingeing took over and thats when i became overweight. since then even though my eating has leveled out, i continued to stay overweight, though i did lose some of it from not bingeing as much/as bad. At the moment i am on a diet program and following it religiously. I've been doing well and losing weight and am in the healthy range, but i am not happy with my weight yet. Anyway, in therapy T and i have been talking about my unhealthy weight goals, and she knows i've lost weight, but she thinks i've been doing it the unhealthy way. That i've been starving and bingeing, which is what i used to do. I actually am losing weight the healthy way but i'm not telling her this because i want her to see my weight loss and associate it with the pain i truly am in. She's asked me to write down what i eat the next few days but i'm scared to tell the truth, because then she'll be like, "you're eating great! you don't have a problem at all." but what she doesnt know is that once i get the weight off the healthy way i plan on keeping it off the unhealthy way. I don't want to lie either and say i've been starving and thats why i'm losing weight. I don't know what to do. please be gentle with your responses and say im stupid for not telling the truth. thank you for listening.