I am so sick of the med dance. This one up, that one down, try this one, let's try that.

And still, nothing helps 100%. I'd say the only 100% thing I can be sure of is that Seroquel 400 mg knocks me right out at bedtime, so at least I get some sleep.

This afternoon, I've got a tension headache. I took Tylenol; it did nothing, and I can't ever take NSAIDs again. I'm not even tempted to try. My luck if I get another ulcer, it will be the silent type with zero symptoms, and you just can't treat what you don't know you have. Probably I am now looking at regular upper endoscopies by the gastro-doc. He is not cheap either. And my insurance sucks. But he is very good at his job, so I am glad the team of trauma surgeons consulted him. Though probably they always do with GI stuff since his practice is just down the road from the hospital.

My back aches. I feel like I have PMS, but I just finished my stupid extra short period cycle last week. I mean, 21 days, really?!

Anxiety is high, panic is high, I'm running too much. I have been praying to God for me to find the strength to get through this CPS investigation. I have not heard back from the caseworker on that. Last week, maybe mid-week, she called and told me she doesn't think she can set up a psychological assessment near the area I live in or am comfortable driving in in a timely manner. So now, at a point I do not yet know, she will set up the assessment, and someone will come out to drive me to it. Talk about awkward car rides and conversations. I wish I'd just get that over with. It feels like a black cloud hanging over my head.

H tries to be supportive, but he just can't. It's hard enough trying to explain one MI diagnosis to him, let alone when you feel like you are diagnosed with half of everything in the DSM-V. And things like eating disorders he really doesn't get; mine is pretty easy to ignore if you like since I run early and eat normally all day, especially when he & my daughter are home. Meaning, yes, I am guilty of sometimes skipping lunch or breakfast, not so much for ED reasons, more for this anxiety I just cannot get rid of; that has started recently.

Oh, and here's the great part. My insurance company insisted my pdoc send all my prescriptions that have had the same dosage 3 months or more through mail order (except for controlled substances). He sent them in a week ago. I am going to be taking the last of a couple of my meds, buspirone is one, maybe Seroquel 400 mg another. Finally, after the meds did not appear in the mail today, I went to the mail order pharmacy website. All my meds are due to arrive Sept. 12 - 17. Great! So now am I going to have to go to the pharmacy (which mail order should make less & not more frequent) and beg loaners off the pharmacist and hope to God they have what I need in stock in their pharmacy or in the pharmacy in another of their stores not too far away.

And I am taking everything right and still half the time, I feel so panicky, I can't stop it. Why won't the meds just work? Why do I feel like I'm getting worse with time & not better?

I'm hurting too today. Fibro loves to act up during stress.

Tough day.