I spent many years being as invisible as possible to be sfe. But, due to me being me, I still said things to my abusers like "I hope this makes you feel real strong and tuff, does this make you feel like a man? or, I would say;'I bet this makes you feel so powerful to treat me this way. You are bigger so you win. But mostly I lived as an invisible child. Ha HA, as a grown up I was going to have all of the power to make things just right. WRONG. I have learned that sticking up for the small guy and advocating for just treatment has made me vulnerable. More then that losing my vacant expression has made me so vulnerable as a human. I am summoning the ghosts of seasons past and asking for invisibility again. I won't need to depend on anyone to give me pain meds. I won't have to depend on anyone to assure me that they believe me and know how to help. I can be my invisible self without comment. I don't cry. I don't laugh. I am invisible and walk with the dead.