I had a therapy appointment this morning and I failed to tell my therapist about my self harm (which, as I've mentioned before, has escalated to the point I'm bruising myself).

I was too frightened of the idea of telling her, so I focused her attention to some other crap that I didn't care to talk about. (It wasn't anything triggering or upsetting. It was just random crap, like us reviewing my past psych evaluations). I also talked about buying a house, how I've gotten pre-approved and stuff.

I want help but don't know how to ask for it. I need to get better and I know that therapy is the way to go, but I chicken out at the last minute. Always.

She will be disappointed in me. I just know it. I mean, sure... therapists aren't supposed to judge us, but they are human like the rest of us and human nature is to judge. For example, if I purposely pooped and peed my pants during our session or told her to f*** off, what is she going to think? You can't say she wouldn't judge me.