I have bipolar I, but my new pdoc saw me at the end of March, and he felt that I was mixed; it's on the medical records I got from the clinic. When I got the records for my retiring pdoc, his for me so far were in there too, and I really doubted him about that. However, as more and more time goes by, I feel like I am getting more mixed by the day, f***ing panic attacks lasting hours, anxiety, up, down, on a project one day, crying uncontrollabe the next afternoon. When pdoc filled out disability papers that I got yesterday, he cited the reason I couldn't work as bipolar I mixed severe. Does he think I am still mixed? I do now feel mixed and have for some time if I think about it. Going back to the end of March, and he could be right, I remember I wasn't sleeping much, and that concerned me but then I think about it, if he asked questions about my self-esteem, I would have said it was zilch. Or sometimes I want to be more involved and sometimes I don't. 95% of the time I have racing thoughts. I wouldn't care if I went to sleep and didn't wake up the next day (no thoughts of suicide, just something happening naturally). I can hardly ever sit still.

But I definitely think he's right about it being mixed right now. So have I been mixed for months? Or mixed and getting worse? Seems like I wouldn't just happen to schedule every pdoc appt. on a mixed day.

Just how long will I be mixed? Because it's starting to feel like forever, and I am beyond sick of it.