I am weary,the hard work never ends if it isn't my own chronic illnesses it is looking after my elderly and infirm mother.She needs help with everything,toilet,eating,washing,she needs food cooked or her,to be helped up in the morning and put to bed at night.We have now carers come in to her four times a day,but when they mess up we have to step in.Carers are meant to come in twos today I was there and only one turned up,she had come from 20 miles away to do half an hour with mum and then go back twenty miles but she had not been briefed as to mum's care needs and complained half an hour wasn't enough time to toilet her and feed her and she refused to spoon feed mum saying it isn't written in the care plan and she doesn't have time.If I wasn't there she'd have left mum without lunch.My sister and I stress about the carers not turning up,or new carers turning up and not having a clue what they are doing like what happened today.

I was there luckily so could step in,it makes us stress and it scares mum if the carers don't have a clue and are stretched for time.I want to help but I am not meant to do the care work cos I am ill myself,all I can do is visit mum socially and bring some food when I make meals for myself and visit I take healthy food for mum to eat.It is tiring doing that and visiting her two or three times a week.I gave up my life for her in the past.I want to live for myself now but her needs are greater.My sister says no don't do it let the carers sort it and I say yes,visiting times should be after the carers have left cos when they turn up and things go wrong and we are there the office don't bother sorting it they leave it to us and the carers expect us to tell them what to do instead of bothering to find out mums needs.Like they are meant to know from the office what the care needs of each client are before they turn up the office are meant to message their phones but they don't bother.It makes me angry and sad.

I am tired and it is exhausting,and the worry is making me ill.Why am I always the one has to sort it,but also my sister has much more responsibility,she deals with the care agency and shops for food for mum and sort her bills and money it is a full time job and she has done it for 10 years so if I can help I want to.But I am ill myself,it is so hard,I can't say no to mum when she says she needs company and can't be alone all day.
Mum just came out of hospital a week or so ago,when the carers settle in I am going to limit my visits to two a week,this week I am doing 3,Before she went blind I was visiting mum once a fortnight or once a month,it is tiring going twice a week.We are going to try and see if mum can attend a day centre once a week so she gets out and has company.

I am very sad I want to help but its hard and I need to have compassion for myself too.I was at mum's all day today.dealing with a stroppy carer and texting my sister who was upset about it all too.I didn't like what I had to cope with,I coped,but inside I am dying over it!