I am so sorry that your episode of depression lasted so long. I can imagine that must have felt interminible! I experience similar fear when I am in a more stable place. I think it’s normal. When you ha e been in a terrifying episode, whether depression or mania, it’s scary to think that you could ever go back there again. I think that talking it out with your herapist and getting some strategies in place for if you feel yourself sliding back into depression could be empowering. I hope that you keep feeling better.