I visited my mother yesterday evening. She's been having problems with her tv and other electronics so I have been at her place several times over the past week.

She's got anxiety really bad and any little thing sets her off - it can be as simple as the tv not coming on right away. She's also got depression (diagnosed) so I know where I got my bipolar from.

I don't think the Modifinil is working that well for me. I don't feel particularly awake or focused - I'm even still yawning and still lethargic. I asked my pdoc if I can increase the dose to find out if anything happens.

I'm in the 'I really don't care about anything'-mode at the moment. I just do things to get them done and out of the way - even things that my son was supposed to do (I have been asking him to do a few things for weeks and it's frustrating to see them undone for weeks at a time - if you can imagine how bad the cat litter can get!).

I don't know what I'm looking for in terms of my day to day life. I'm searching for relief, I suppose. Back to the way things were last year in terms of my mind and mood...things weren't perfect but it was much better than this.

I finished reading my friend's book - it was terrible I guess I'm not part of the audience he's writing for...it's just not something I would read. It's sort of science fiction mixed with a heavy dose of reality. The underlying idea is good but the execution - the way he told the story - was really bad.

Mood-wise, I'm feeling low but maybe not as depressed as before. But I'm still scoring as 'severely depressed' on the phq-9 depression test...hoping that will change soon.