I spend a lot of time wondering whether or not I'm actually as selfish as I seem. I feel like my parents are just not very good listeners. But it always seems that whenever I'm upset about something my mom makes a point to bring up a reason why I might have allowed that thing to happen. And then she gets mad when I don't want to talk to her. It's frustrating because I have to sit and wonder if I'm really causing all this negativity in my life and if my mom is really this great person and I'm the one in the wrong who hides things from her and is really negative. I want to believe that she is where a lot of these issues I have stem but it's hard when she's always trying to convince me it's me. I think she's immature and just doesn't know when to take ownership over or apologize for anything. So then I'm left to internalize it and things just get worse. I'm not in therapy anymore because I moved and now I'm just looking for a job with no luck. The goal is to move again to a different place on my own. I really miss my therapist and having that time to share. Also today's my birthday and I just get sad because I always spend them alone. I haven't posted in a while and missed having this outlet.