I have an appointment with a new T at 4:30 today and am anxious about it. First, I've had problems connecting with therapists in the past. I told her I had bipolar disorder and high stress/panic disorder on the phone but did not mention the ED. Once therapists find out about that, it can turn some of them extremely hesitant to take me on. However, it is a huge advantage this therapist practices practically 5 minutes from my home. She borrows another shop in a nearby shopping center which is why I had no idea there even was a practicing therapist in that shopping center since I have driven by it every time I go into downtown & the library. It is basically behind the playground my daughter's school uses for the younger elementary grades and even has an address on the street that runs behind my back yard. She said she prefers to treat with CBT which is what helped me with the ED, and I am not sure I ever had a therapist who focused on treating mostly by one particular method. Also, keeping this appointment and going regularly should (according to my CPS caseworker) close my case without having to go to a super early 8 AM 4 to 6 hour psych assessment by a CPS psychologist. What is that? A psych assessment on the border of a police investigation, trying to break down a suspect or something?

Even though working with this therapist has been fueled by the CPS investigation, I will at least give her a chance unless she flat out tells me she will not treat me. Usually, there is a point where I try a therapist again, though, yes, I admit it would not have been exactly now. I don't think she will refuse to treat me though. I called her phone number early, expecting voicemail and got her instead. I really think I woke her up; she told me she does appointments from afternoon through evening (8 PM or so). She sounded super tired and insisted I didn't wake her, that she hadn't had her morning coffee yet, but I'm not sure, initially she really sounded as if she had been woken up or maybe had gotten out of bed less than 5 minutes ago. And she was flexible when I had to re-schedule my appt. for today from 1 PM until 4:30 PM until H could watch my daughter. My daughter threw up at school yesterday, and per district policy, has to be vomit free at least 24 hr. before she can return to school. Even though she had only thrown up shortly before the first bell, the nurse told me she cannot go to school today.

I am crossing my fingers things will work out with this therapist, that she will not mind if the CPS contacts her to see I am keeping appointments and such or that the ED will scare her off. The ED is really fed into by running and running and running first in response to stress & anxiety & panic but beyond a certain point, the ED comes back full force. I really need a healthy method of coping with the stress & panic in my life.

Though I have to admit the bipolar mixed state is not doing me any favors either.