Thanks. I'll try to write down a concise history that still includes the relevant stuff, at least as best as I can tell.

It will need cooperation, and some switching back and forth, between my "activated" self and my rational self so it may take a day or two, but a very good idea. Thanks for your interest.

The main thing -- the rejecting element -- came when she said she lacked the emotional resources to continue. Rationally, that makes sense. But to the activated self it was/is a rejection. (WARNING, ACTIVATED SELF NOW SPEAKING.) My stuff is/was too much. A lifetime of trying to get to it, and it was too much! How on earth was I supposed to find a "good fit"? I'd tried and tried -- and this was a person recommended by an international-level author and trainer in trauma and dissociation who lives in my city!! Where in the world --ANYWHERE -- is there someone whom I'm not "too much" for? Who can accept me? Who can help me find socialization skills to help me, if that's the problem? DBT is not for me -- I had overcontrol issues and the notion of "wanting" a relationship (by my emotional self) was absent, so the interpersonal effectiveness module wouldn't work. Therapists (in the past) couldn't hear that, they just blamed me! Of course!

So, it's not just the last T, it's ALL T's and THE WHOLE WORLD. NOWHERE IN THE WORLD ARE THERE ANY OTHER FEMALES WHO CAN ACCEPT ME. I CAN GET ANGRY AND "AGGRESSIVE" AND THAT'S NOT OK. ANYWHERE. THAT'S WHAT I LEARNED AS A CHILD AND STILL HOLDS TRUE.

Seeing any reenactment here, anybody? But how would/could this (ideally) end? How could I, rationally, have known how to select a better T? It is really too much for the profession to expect that of those who have parts cut off. It hurts us. Our lives are wasted. Maybe they don't care -- maybe the whole society doesn't care -- but I, now, care.

That's something. Actually, maybe a lot. Thanks for allowing me a chance to be heard.