It is so hard to never have permission to have a bad day.

Everyone thinks that once you’re on meds, you’ll always be happy. That there will never be a down minute, or down day, or down week. It’s so exhausting. I’ve had a bad afternoon — only a few hours — and my husband gets angry at me. My kids get confused. I’m so tired, and I don’t want to eat, but I tried — I sat at the table with my family and ate a few bites. It made me want to throw up. But I had to try. It’s pushing through that is so tiring. With all my being I want to curl up in bed, go to sleep, and wake up tomorrow — hopefully feeling better. I can’t do that, though, because I have to try to pretend that everything is okay — that I am strong. The truth is that I am SO not strong. Days like this sucks. Having people angry at me for being depressed sucks. Having to fake it sucks. Bipolar just sucks.