I feel like a burden and piece of **** no matter what I do, but the energy I have stop me to be 24h a day laying in bed. I was 100% of my free time in bed until a week ago that the lack of motivation and energy became a bomb and I am doing a ton of thing while I still feel like **** and I want to stop but I cannot stop doing things. It feels WEEEEEIRD. I feel distressed but at the same time OK. I just can't rest, it is extremelly hard to sleep without benzos but I don't want to take them.

Like this:

I am not irritable, once I was like this but extremelly irritable and suicidal, but I concluded it was due to benzo withdraw, and maybe it was.

Last time I was EXACTLY like this was in early August I worked up to 16h a day as a waiter and even if my legs hurted so much I stoped feeling anything, I couldn't stop moving when I was at home and I was supossed to rest.

Then I became tired and depressed, "normal" depression, until now.



I feel a bit confused.

I am not out of control, I have a ton of plan and write them but before buying everything to start it I think if I really can make it now and so.

Ok, I don't know. I don't think I am bipolar, it doesn's seem so severe (severe enough to be bipolar) BUT it is not "normal depression" and I would like to know others experience, I don't want it to go out of control

Thank you