Maybe my bad is different from your bad? My bad that was found unacceptable by family was related to self-actualization and simply being who i was - my therapists easily survived that. Also, my family was - idk, mistaken? - in their evaluation of me, and were actively lying amongst themselves, most of which i didnt even know about. They were kind of like the "polite" Japanese culture who will SAY they agree with you but they really do not. So really bad communicators.

So my therapy was really about figuring out wth was going on, and to start acting like my true self. Not to always be feeling like "this is not my real life, this is not the real me, i am in the wrong place but i cant get out." Now i have a sense of agency.

You talk about a split at age 3. I remember similar splits around that age, where i realized i could not trust my parents to COMPREHEND - i knew i was smarter than they were, they were simple-minded, i was grasping concepts they could not. That is what i thought they could not survive, and its what i probably would not have survived - they told me that in the old country, a daughter like me would have been honor-killed, but not in the usa - they didnt want to get into trouble for my garbage butt.

Did i successfully break away? Probably not. More like slink away. Life is still hard. Its hard to have happiness. Its an old habit. But yeah, object relations gave structure and sense to the voices and impulses in my head. And for me to write my life story / narrative.