This isn't even the right topic (or even a topic thread related probably on the site) to post this but this is the only place where I feel I know and gather support. I don't have any outside, and sometimes it just becomes too much. I don't go into details because I'm afraid of being judged and I'm too emotional to deal with much right now anyway.

I'm so tired of dealing day in and day out with one fatal blow after another on every aspect of my life. How can I continue to put up a fight for something no one else is willing to support? I have no one, I've lost a lot and I'm always criticized for any reaction of my part and villianized by all the rest. I've made mistakes and I can't make right choices-- any attempt to fix a problem yields another. I'm in a very unstable space both emotionally in myself and with my spouse. I'm forced to confine myself into a room and cry empty tears because the only person who suffers through it is me. No one cares, no one is willing to understand my struggle to just be free of all of this. The frustration builds and builds and there is no stable outlet to let it go. I end up hurting myself in one way or another. I'm so alone in all of this I just feel so low.


I just wanted it off my chest -- no comment is necessary and the fewer probably the better. Why the hell do I feel like I need to express it to a listening ear? I don't know. I'm prepared for the hatespeech and attention seeking comments I'm going to recieve for this. I'm sorry I wasted yours and anyone elses time. I try to be more rational when I post, but today I have very little left in me to hold onto. [P.S. NOT Suicidal, frustrated, tired and alone.].