So I have an appointment with my fdoc tomorrow and I am terrified of what he is going to say. I live in a very rural area so finding a pdoc is like trying to find a unicorn. I recently saw a new therapist since my former therapist was a part of my former work place and am unable to see her due to me not wanting to see former coworkers that betrayed me for having a mental Illness. This new therapist pretty much told me that I did not need therapy and that I needed a pdoc and that my fdoc should not be prescribing my medication. So I’m terrified about what she wrote him about since she told me she would be messaging him.

However there is a problem I’ve already seen the pdoc she suggested and if I may be honest I found her to be completely stupid. She didn’t diagnosis me and didn’t want to here everything that I had gone through. He office was also badly ran the nurse wouldn’t let me leave until I could pee(the bathrooms were atrocious). They nursing staff treated me horrible because I couldn’t participate in drug test day. She also just handed me a two weeks sample of Latuda and told me to cut them in half for the first few days. Which you aren’t supposed to do, and about three weeks later I started having really bad sleeping issues and muscle spasms on this medication. I called the nurse and she literally told me that’s not a side effect and to continue taking the medication.

So after talking with useless nurse I called my fdoc and he was like come on in on Monday and will figure out what’s going on. So I see him he discontinues the medication from hell and puts me back on my 100mg of Seroquel. I know this dose isn’t strong enough and sometimes causes me to rapid cycle. I’m just terrified that when I see him that he’ll side with the awful therapist and tell me I need to go back to the horrible pdoc that I don’t trust. I really like and trust him he is the only one that has ever bothered to care and listen. I’m also terrified since he is also employed through me former employer that he might be forced into terminating me from the higher ups since I am fighting them for unemployment. I’m just terrified for my appointment. I want to talk to him about genetic testing but am afraid that he might be at the end of his rope with me and side with the therapist. I just really don’t want to go back to that evil pdoc. I’ve been calling another office but since I have state insurance they won’t see me and they were the last optionn for finding a pdoc that I don’t find to be stupid.

Anyway thanks for listening to my scared ramble and I hope it was posted in the right spot and please excuse any errors I am on my phone.