First, it is not attention seeking to post your problems here. That is what this board is for. Your post is not bothersome at all.

I am bipolar I with mixed features right now. i have been mixed at least since the end of March, but I think I swing more toward depression when I'm not mixed though I have had a few manic doozies that nearly put me into the hospital. I often read mixed tends to end with IP at a hospital, which I definitely do NOT want if at all possible.

I have had those same feelings. Crying in the bedroom one day, feeling like I'm a waste of space other days. Walking through a craft store & wanting to try my hand at everything there. My thoughts race so much sometimes, I can hardly articulate a sentence. I have a big problem with overspending. I have such a huge problem with exercise, it's become an eating disorder with all the numbers & guilt I feel if I eat something like cake and have not runt that day, worries about scales, numbers, clothes size.I had so much promise after getting an M.S., and now I'm trying to get disability.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this stuff? Why do you not have your medicine?