When you are feeling up to it, I'd try to push back a bit against their expectations and especially have a chat with your husband to find out why he is getting angry if you are depressed. It's a human right to have an off day.

That is probably part of what is controlling your kids reactions, not you but him -- his anger in particular. If he were nonchalant and take everything in stride then maybe they woudl react differently. Just my thoughts.