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Sep 17, 2018, 05:42 AM

back in 2005, I had a really bad time of it- I was going through a really bad mental health episode and I

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tried to take my life.

well, I was admitted to hospital at the start of December (or was it on the end of November?)

I was really ill, and I was showing no signs of getting better- really shutting down. my body wasn't responding (I hate using that word, but their it is)

anyway the nurse in charge of me angela rang my parents to ask them to be in the hospital with me, but they told angela they wanted me to die on the ward because it would be easier for them to cope without me

angela told this to me (I felt so sorry for her having to tell me that)

well on Christmas eve, I took a turn for the worst and I was blessed by a priest- he came in to the hospital and sat by my bedside for a long time, I thought that was lovely of him.

all I remember about Christmas eve is the nurse constantly calling my name and telling me to breav, and to focus on her and to keep calm

it reminded me of a crash sceen where the paramedics kept telling the people at the sceen to hold on, or don't move, or something along those lines

the next few weeks/ months are very hazy. I pulled through Christmas eve, and on Christmas day the hospital staff tried to make me a Christmas (obviously I didn't have family or friends, so it was just the nurses)

in march of 2006, I was still struggling. I was out of the hospital, but my eating issues were really playing up

all I can remember were mental health nurses keeping a close eye on me until I got better

I did come out of it, and survived

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though every inch of me wishes I didn't. I came really close to what I wanted

what was sad too, is that the lady in the next bed took her own life and I had to witness her dying