Well, I'm glad to know it's in the books! It's actually kinda in the book that my consultant co-authored. Guess it's easier to deal with intellectually than in the flesh!

What's not in the books so much, at least the ones I've seen, is how females in the American South were raised (many of us) not to have an "authentic ego" but a service-focused, kind, helpful person -- and nothing else! I think the last therapist had her own problems with that as well. She dealt with assaults on her ego in snide, passive aggressive ways -- the more common way, avoiding direct conflict. I dissociated from the hurts. Then when it started coming online, which is part of what I was trying to find in therapy, it was direct. I prefer that -- it's honest, at least. And I would prefer my mother's rage -- she was a little different from the Southern norm, too -- than what a friend of mine calls an air of "cold malevolence". Or even just withdrawn haughtiness. It's very creepy and scary to pick up on that, especially from the people you are looking to to care for you.