Intimate relationships are such a tricky dance. I’ve heard a very few people say their relationships are ideal. Mostly I’ve heard people say theirs are not healthy. That’s why the divorce rate is so high.

The two people don’t have the same ideas of how the relationship should be. It’s an issue of they put themselves first, disregarding, possibly even lying to the other. To blame and complain is futile and will only cause more strife. So there becomes this struggle of manipulation to get one’s needs met.

It just is what it is.

Is it merely the roll of the dice that we got someone to struggle with vs. someone to treat us the way we asked to be treated?

This dynamic must be an element of narcissism. The person who expresses their needs is addressing their narcissism (which isn’t a bad thing, we are all somewhat narcissistic), and the person who withholds, lies, abuses is also addressing their sense of narcissism.

I am trying to figure out how to make a win-win with an oppositional person, gaslighter. I also am taking him back rather than divorcing. Codependent? Optimistic? His good qualities are greater than his bad? I’ve already been through hell and survived, so feel stronger? IDK

I know we both have similarities in our relationship struggles, Nowinners. I get it.