Dear PC,

I have probably posted several threads about this topic in the last few months but I’ve just had so much difficulty turning off my critical inner voice and shaking off these feelings. I apologize big time in advance for this long rant but I feel like family here on PC and I look to you guys, so I trust that you can help speak encouragement into my plethora of problems. I am perfectly aware of many of my mistakes I’ve made with others and I work hard to prevent them, so what I need right now is not so much advice or pathologizing, but more simply to feel more deserving of love from others.

So I feel like I’m a rat of a person around the opposite gender. Because of my stupidity around women I would rather live alone in a remote desert and not see another soul rather than so much as speak to a woman. I could see my bad luck coming in high school and early on in college when I would fall for someone, and I feel that the attraction is mutual but when it came time to ask someone out I always received “lets just be friends ok?” Then the girls who actually did fall for me I felt glum about getting serious because they were going too fast for my style when I was about to start college and they would also get pretty clingy. Like one one of my friends kept asking me to take her to a play when I already had other plans and another made me feel guilty for not taking her to a prom when I already had plans for a family vacation.

I faced many of the same problems in college, but things got even worse when I have embarrassed myself with either saying something that ruffled someone’s feathers, scaring the crap others by sharing too much information or have made dating mistakes such as asking out dating girls, along with many other mistakes. While I was left single and shamed for every wrong move I have made people have mashed their romances in my face through social media and various annoying forms of PDA. No wonder I don’t hang out in social groups at my college anymore because people judge you and leave you in the dust for one wrong move. So now it seems like just being myself is equated to being doomed with women. Really? I don’t get it. I feel like I have a lot to offer because I have a wide variety of hobbies, like traveling the world (been to 9 countries), being a sports fanatic, hiking, and kayaking. People of both genders have adored me for being loving and respectful to everyone. But the risks of dating has become even scarier in the wake of the recent sexual harassment scandals, so I just have to walk on eggshells around women. I just feel like any relationship with the opposite gender will get me into trouble. My friends and family consider me to be a very handsome and decent guy, and most people are very comfortable around me. People have praised me for my social tact and conversation skills, even though I do have the occassional slip ups since I have introvert tendencies. But still I just don’t measure up. Unless you are the king of your social group, Derek Jeter, beyond a perfect 10, shallow or extremely extroverted, good luck with dating. These past few nights I’ve lied awake in bed for hours on end contemplating if women really like “nice guys”. I’m so irritated because people are just so shallow and it seems like the world is out to get me on every mistake I’ve made and every flaw in my personality. It’s like I’m the only person who’s looking for a loving healthy and deep relationship, and one that is not clingy, nagging, or very grandiose/borderline bragging. I guess “being nice” to women or being myself is all in vain.

Like I said I am so sorry for ranting but I feel like I am most undeserving of love and respect even if I’ve made small mistakes or have done nothing wrong. Am I too stupid and filthy of a person to even consider romance or making friends with women?