I've found friendships (and two marriages) impossible to sustain because people have been embarrassed by my erratic behavior in public, which I completely understand. I've learned to be content living alone and lead a quiet and organized existence. I live in a rural area now, so I'm acquainted with many, many people, and I can't even go grocery shopping anonymously. Many acquaintances have accompanied me to the ER (or called the police) when I've been in crisis, but they understandably keep some distance afterwards. One person didn't even invite me to her wedding, which was a big event here. I can see her point.


On the other hand, I know I can call on any number of people when I have situations not involving bipolar crises. For instance, I'm having a biopsy this week that promises to be brutally painful, and I expect I'll cry like a baby. I was advised that I won't be able to drive myself home afterwards. I'm very anxious about this, but a number of people have offered to take me. That's pretty comforting.


This weekend, I locked myself out of my car at WalMart. I had to borrow someone's cellphone to call the police, and they showed up in less than five minutes! I recognized the policeman from past bipolar incidents, and he couldn't have been more kind or professional. I was so grateful that he treated me like any other citizen.