Ok... I've held off posting because I wanted to read several people's impression on my question. I've read through this thread and find that I have done most everything suggested.

My problem may well be inertia... a small part, though. I just read my former therapist's report to SSI that mentions I'm "well entrenched in my thoughts of entitlement." Whoa, Nellie! I don't believe that for a minute! I don't believe the government owes me anything I haven't worked for! Yes, I've filed for disability, but not because I feel entitled. As a matter of fact, it was my former therapist's idea that I file! I do want to be self-sufficient, contrary to what her report says. It's taken me a few years to realize it but now I know there are several things I can do to make extra money. My problem is... I don't do them!! Honestly, I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself because I can't buy something extra that I want. Most of the time, I don't feel worthless, even when one or two of my kids tries to make feel that way. The way I figure it, it's because I've changed and they either don't know what to make of it, or they're fighting it. Oh, well!! That's they're problem!

What really pisses me off at myself is that I love to do the things that I could make some money at. What stops me is fear of approaching anyone about it. Fear of rejection. Feelings of inadiquacy. Then the old "mother" tapes start playing: "You're too dumb, you don't know how to do that. You can do better than that! There's not enough money in that. You're too old to start something new. You should have..." See what I mean? Mixed messages that just serve to confuse me and keep me at a standstill. I feel like shouting "Somebody show me the door!" but I know I need to find it for myself. **Reference "Recuring Nightmare" in CC. No doubt, I've gone past it several times and just didn't want to see it.

Oye Vey!!!!!!

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>