Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
Yes, basically connecting once you know them. I knew people basically as acquaintances even though friends but it was all surface level. There was no real connection. I thought that was normal because that was what I was around all my life & that translated into thinking it was normal in my marriage.
I realize that it wasn't normal & I think now that I am learning to really connect to others.....it was the walls I had also built up that my first good T thought she would never be able to break through. For me it was a combination of both walls & not knowing how to connect with others.
I hsve come to realize that connectikn is really importsnt in nit only friendship relationships but definitely in romantic ones. It is the foundation of relatiknships that are more than acquaintances.
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First of all, sorry for not replying to these sooner. I've had a manic couple of weeks and just didn't have time to sit down and write my responses, no matter how much I wanted to. As for my answers to your questions, I'm not sure... I mean, I have friends, but I don't know if I make friends easily, possibly just because things like small talk don't come to me easily and I'm not usually at my best in social situations. I'll still do my best to engage with people, but I'm very aware that I'm not one of those people who can communicate effortlessly with people I've never met in a casual situation.
Like a lot of people, I have some "acquaintances" (i.e. “not close” friends) who I might see frequently and we might chat, but it doesn't go beyond basic pleasantries. I have very few close friends, with whom I feel comfortable sharing details about my life beyond normal, casual gossip. I don’t especially mind that – having one or two people, with whom you can be honest, is, in my opinion, better than having many friends, but being unable to be honest with them. I have also had that feeling before of just "clicking" with someone when you meet them for the first time, as I experienced with a good friend when I met them about a year ago (and we became very close friends pretty much straightaway). That almost never happens with me though, so I'm almost not sure how to react when it does. So, does this mean I haven’t met any good people? Am I not good at emotionally connecting to people? Is there anything I can do about this? I’m not sure what conclusion I should draw here.
I suppose what frustrates me is a) knowing I’m going to have to wait an indeterminate amount of time to *maybe* meet someone, b) somehow know when that is when it’s happening, c) not know how to process what I’m feeling (or not feeling) in the meantime. Obviously I just carry on with my life (as I’ve been doing for the last few weeks), because there’s no other choice, but it’s so tedious. I’ve tried my best to analyse myself to work out how I can better improve myself and my situation, but there’s only so much examination you can do before you hit a (metaphorical) brick wall and not know where to go next.
I’m certainly never going to begin a relationship with someone I don’t feel anything towards, because, if nothing else, I know it’s not going to end well for me. The alternative of staying alone, while better than being unhappy with someone else, still isn’t great. I guess I could just do with part of my life making sense. I’ve felt somewhat aimless recently – I go to work and do my hobbies, but I don’t have much in the way of “special projects” to keep me busy (something (new) that interests and excites me). I’ve been so exhausted recently as well, which doesn’t help my outlook on things. As well as that, I just don’t have anyone I can talk to (in person) about this, and it takes me ages to type out my thoughts, so the whole process just feels incredibly slow (although at least I’m moving (hopefully in the right direction)).
I don’t know whether this is the kind of response you were expecting and it feels a little anticlimactic that, after the long delay, this is all I’ve managed to produce. I find it difficult to articulate how exactly I feel about a lot of this.