So sorry you find yourself in this situation. I've found myself in a similar situation before minus the abusive ex. Mine just didn't want to commit. What it really all came down to was I wasn't the person that he wanted to be with... Plain and simple. No other explanation or reasoning would change anything. I was desperately in love with him for a long time. The only thing that helped me... quit talking to him. That's the only thing I could. It was hard, it sucked and it took a long time. He eventually got married and so did I. I still think about him, but I know now that he would have never committed to me. And it all worked out for the best. If you truly love this girl you should be 100% honest with her. And if her feelings aren't the same, you need to separate yourself from her so that you can heal and move on. Best of luck to you! Be strong and believe that you deserve the best. YOu will find it even if it isn't her.