I am so sorry, bewise! Big hugs

Please don't beat yourself up about this. I admire you so much for even trying to get back to work. You are right that you will eventually be able to try again. We've all got to just keep trying.

Have you had a therapist to support you during this whole back to work period? I hope if you have a therapist you have contacted him/her today. It would be really great if he/she could see you asap.