Yes I completely agree with Mote.of.soul I use to have some of the same feeling that you have had. Where I did want a long term relationship and just wanted to be in a long loving relationship and its all I wanted. When i really dug deep I realized I just wanted to be in a relationship to cover up my insecurities. i would judge girls and the guys they would be with and wonder why they don't like me, then I turned the mirror on myself. I worked on myself I started waking up earlier, working harder, reading books, meditating and I started to like myself. Because before I had habits of playing games all the time, watching things I shouldn't, and not living my best life, and by not reaching my full potential I sub consciously hated myself. Ask any girl and the one thing they like the most is a man who has self confidence and they can tell with in 5 minutes (many times even shorter) how much confidence a guy has in him self. When I stated to work on myself next thing I saw was girls would text me back more and wanted to go out with me more. My advice is understand why you feel like you don't deserve love and you would say those bad things about yourself and work on yourself. Also don't desire being in a relationship because there are many problems you don't see on the outside. Just work on yourself and your confidence because when you are comfortable with yourself you don't need a relationship to define you and then if one comes a long then it's even better