Quote:
Originally Posted by xenos
Hi everyone,
So how does our hyperaware posture toward our parents formed in us the outer critic? The way I understand it, the more the individual is toxic toward you, the more you-as a kid- blame your self for their bad behavior, mood, etc.. You can't verbally attack, criticize protest the unfairness of your parents because you were powerless. I just don't understand how our toxic parents developed the outer critic in us, aka, as an adult we tend to criticize and attack others for any small unfairness we receive from them. The instilled inner critic makes an absolute sense to me when our parents were toxic in their relationship with us, the outer critic not so much!!
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I understand what you're saying. In my case, I tend to generally blame myself too when something goes wrong or if someone is being unfair to me.
However, I realized that I also tend to be hypervigilant about other people's behaviors. It's almost as if I were unconsciously waiting for "the next attack"to happen. Even when no one's trying to attack me.
Like, I automatically belive that people will try to hurt, sabotage or humiliate me.
This often leads me to behave in a hyper-reactive way and give responses that are out of proportion sometimes.
For example, if someone makes a joke or a random comment (that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me), I tend to take it personally and immediatly get defensive.
Sometimes I even end up being the one who hurts the others by having such a strong reaction... when in reality all I was only trying to do was to protect myself from getting hurt.
I don't know, at least that's the way I relate to it... I can't really explain as I'd like to because Esnglish isn't my first language, but I hope it helps a little.
I'm still reading Pete Walker's book but I'm finding it extremely helpful.
*hugs*