Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
With all of my friends being huge Eminem fans, I haven't stopped hearing about it. Not that I mind, I'm a bit if a fan myself. The artists that helped me stay alive are artist's like Linkin Park, Mike Shinoda, Breaking Benjamin, Twenty One Pilots, Jake Hill, Josh A and lately Shinigami. When it comes to Eminem, the song Beautiful helps me a lot when I'm down.
Focusing on my hobbies also means coping for me. To work through things in a constructive manner, I write. I don't know if I'm any good. I honestly think all of my work is mediocre at best. I'll post this poem to give an example:
"Hold me, I need a safe place. Please hold me, I know I'm a disgrace. I know you won't because I'm stuck in what we used to be. I still remember you taking a knee. I remember when you loved me. Too bad I could never see, that it would never last.
You think I hate you, you think but I know. I know I still can't go, maybe in a year or so [we'll see]. But I'm still here to lift you while I'm low and below. I'm so ****ing alone, isolating myself, ignoring my phone. I wouldn't change a thing but I wish I wouldn't have run. I'd do anything to bring us back, too bad you already know that. I sit here racking my mind while I spin around your thumb. If we're the sum total of who we love, you must be so ******* numb. Outside in the rain I'll remain. Just waiting to breathe."
I wrote this while dealing with thoughts of my ex. I'm still not over it, but this is how I'm trying.
Eminem is incredibly skilled, even if he wasn't brain damaged.
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I do listen to some Twenty One Pilots and Linkin Park, but I am not quite interested in the other generes. Perhaps because I am bit too much of an *** to listen to calm music...? I think I get it, you don't like violent music. That is a negative point for you to be diagnosed as a psychopath. I am a pony but I still listen to violent music anyway. Not that I don't like TV music (House MD, Mr.Robot, or anything related to medicine or heroism.)
Honestly, I like writing too. I am not kidding. Do you know about the subreddit nosleep? It's a subreddit where people, ameaturs and professionals alike, post horror stories. There's a pretty good writer called nazisharks. I read a series written by him there, and I was pretty much blown away. After a while, the reddit moderators
interviewed him, which wasn't surprising as he had won several reddit awards, and I found out he's a professional writer.
You can read the more detailed version there, but as he put it, it takes THOUSANDS OF HOURS to become good at something. I am a pretty gifted individual, not to brag, but even I am slow at learning things like writing. So don't quite worry whether or not you, still depressed, think that your writing is mediocre.
I actually like that poem. It reminded of my own story where I resurrected the character Kyle Lendey of C R Walker from the novel/story Borrasca. The ending made me cry a lot and as I was new to PC back then, I thought, "Why in the hell I should not do some good work?" And wrote it. It turned out to have a story like a four year old's dreams...
Kyle and his friends visit a haunted house, Kyle makes a reference to the TV show Grey's Anatomy, and that's it, couldn't go further. Never posted it online or offline for that matter... so yeah, I believe you're not alone.
Keep doing what you're doing. It took me more than two years to just be stabalized and be where I am. I am not much psychotic anymore, but I still have a long way to go.