my mom never asked me how i was doing so i have been asking myself that as often as i feel i need to.

and i have been working on my rejection issues - not only because of my emotionally distant mom (she couldn't help it, that's how she was raised) but also from my sibs icing me out when i was a kid because they felt (very ironically) that i was mom's favorite. (one of them apologized to me last year) i have been consciously rejecting their treatment of me as being their issue, not mine, and separate to who i really am.

i have been looking into the mirror and telling myself how happy i am to see me. and praising myself whenever i feel i have done something good. this might sound a bit nutty but it has really helped me fill some of the void. i used to feel empty inside but it is getting better.

after a lifetime of passively accepting the status quo, to think that i, me, myself, can, even in the slightest way, fix what i feel needs to be fixed...well, it feels amazing and encouraging..it isn't too late.