tl;dr I am sadly alive and stressed past where I should be. To quote Hank Hill: "They are putting stress on a structure that isn't up to code to begin with."

I have a second to breathe before diving back into the chaos so I wanted to update here because I was having somewhat dark thoughts and there might be one or two people here who might want to know if I am gone or not. Maybe.

I did take that trip and had a wonderful time with my grandson who is doing really well and is going to be released soon. I even got to take my three year old granddaughter(his sister) along so it was even more fun.


I also got to bring her back home with me which is the only reason I made it back. It is a scary big mountain pass and it was dark, wet and very foggy. Plus truck drivers are insane. If she wasn't with me I would have let that truck hit me.

Just a few days later my dad had a massive heart attack. He was at the dentist office when it happened which is the only reason he made it to the hospital. The odds were bad but 2 stents(with less then 50% odds he would survive it) and a pacemaker later he is doing really well. It has been three weeks ago today but he is up and walking around and it is difficult to get him to hold back a little so he doesn't do too much.

I wish I were half as strong as my father. He is amazing. He had a leaky heart valve in 2006 and needed open-heart surgery and was doing yard work just a few weeks later. In 2012, he had a stroke and got back to about 90% with really only his speech affected. I get shut down by literally nothing.


If that wasn't enough, my granddaughter that lives with me was briefly kidnapped the same day my dad had his heart attack. Luckily, it only lasted 20 minutes and it doesn't seem to affect her at all. She was so excited to tell me about it. The creep got away but the cops really are on it and it is only a matter of time. He has been racking up even more charges since then and has an extensive record so hopefully his time free will end forever soon.

Of course, my whole family showed up for my dad which is good and bad. I do love them and have a close relationship with them but I have 7 opinionated strong-willed sisters(is there any other kind?). They decided the way they would keep busy and their minds on something else is to focus on me and my lack of a life. Which added so much more stress. They know or should know I am an ugly, worthless sack of crap with no ability to even find a friend much less anything else. Two of them even tried to push me to go international and look around the world, especially China. Because one has a friend that apparently had great success. As if that would work for me. I doubt I look good to anyone regardless how bleak their situation is and she showed me lots of pictures and wow, they could easily do better than me. Plus, I am so socially inept I wouldn't know if they were sincere or not. I could probably pay to bring someone over(barely) but that is pretty high risk I think. grrr

All I want is peace and go back to not being lonely and they are not helping!


I also live the closest to my parents and I am a loser and can't work so the responsibility is mine to help them out. I truly don't mind but it is a lot for me. I am trying to take care of my new house and now them and their huge house on 2 acres of grass to mow. I am spending so much time and money going back and forth because my daughter also needs me. I am the only person she can rely on to help her with my granddaughter, getting her to and from school and watching her. 2 of my sisters are close enough that they can relieve me once in a while but one has elementary school aged kids and the other has 3 special needs adult children.