So, I have this friend? We became friends through a group we play in 10 yrs ago. I will admit it's always been complicated as I had some jealousy- when she came into contact with the group, she wasn't very good, but from the country the music we play is from and technically with some related experience. I knew how to sing the songs, memorized the lyrics, got the style, etc, without getting wasted on stage I might add, but was never allowed even the chance. The guys (everyone else was men, it's a pretty big group) all wanted her bc. 1. literally half had a crush on her 2. she's "authentic"

At the time I started another group to have an outlet for singing which I wanted to do a little of, focused my energy that way, and eventually left the city/those groups for a number of years. I was lucky for them to accept me back when I moved back and my relationship with the group is good, I'm grateful (I guess we're all older too). In the meantime she had improved much, sounds great. I have had a deeper relationship with my friend since returning and share both deep conversations about life and goofy times.

Her bf bought a house, and offered a room for rent at an insanely cheap price in a great neighborhood, I decided to go for it. So trifecta of friend/roommate/bandmate! What could go wrong?

Much of the time it's a fun place to live but other times there's a lot of stress.
She frequently gets in screaming matches with her bf, always that I've observed she starts (which I'm sure there's two sides to it, but increasingly it really seems like literally anything can push her over the edge to initiate it). Couple times a week last month-two. He has apologized to me (literally I can be in the same room when it starts) but she never has. It's at the point where I don't really feel a good vibe about the place, I just never know when that could happen and I don't want that in my home. Especially because I grew up with a dad that could start screaming at whatever, and was verbally/physically abusive to me.

I'm not a psych dr but I am honestly wondering if it's bordering on abuse. It's especially irritating since she 1. has taken non-violent communications classes, but doesn't seem to have absorbed it/blames her bf for not wanting to learn these skills 2. frequently will try to put me in the middle afterwards, getting to take her side. I've tried to discuss this/other issues with her on occasion (mostly staying out of it- I don't initiate these convo's) and she gets very defensive. She also will do this with house stuff: moving all the stuff around in the kitchen various times without asking anyone, then freaking out at people when things aren't in the place she put it. Then saying about how it's everyone's space, but also saying she had done all the research on the best way for this or that, and she deserves more say. Or leaving stuff everywhere like everyone has been doing, then complaining about no one cleans up and she's the only one (say if she's on an energy surge to clean). The rest of us, while admitting there can be issues here and there, never have this sort of craziness/accusatory response, everyone's chill, brings stuff up respectfully.

This has happened in the band also- ex: she left with not much notice for a couple weeks, other people including me covered vocals while she was gone, later she screamed at me/another two people about how SHE is the singer, literally "it's about [her]", no one else can sing. Luckily the band had our back (specifically mine, saying, they liked my singing and had no idea I could- facepalm) and basically we all decided if she's not there, someone else can sing (we can't do all the other tunes anyway even between 3 of us, bc of learning it, or key or whatever) and just don't bring it up. She's been complaining all the time to me privately that she doesn't want to be there for low paying gigs- I'm like, don't come then? It's fine. She'll still be on the big ones anyway, people specifically ask for her. But she goes on about how the band needs her and then will passively aggressively not show up or text right before a gig she's not coming, I can't decide if it's just her feeling bad way of bailing, or if it's so no one can prepare to sing instead. Personally I've decided I'm just going to be ready now at all times. Sort of annoying bc I can't practice in the house so she doesn't know, but I have a car now at least to do it.

I recognize that long-term I am going to have to leave, I really don't see things changing unless she moved out, which is unlikely (tho their relationship is so up and down who even knows). It's just very stressful for me. Maybe in next few months, I'm not sure. But in the meantime how can I deal with this situation and not be stressed/still be respectful without being a total recluse? I know the only thing I can really control here is my response/how I feel.