When ex-T terminated with me, I yelled at her (didn't cuss for the record) and slammed the exit door. She told me that was why she couldn't give me any closure sessions. Pretty much everyone agreed she not only abandoned me, but she could have dealt with things better. When I went searching for a new T, I was so afraid of being judged for my reaction to the abandonment. Current T didn't judge me, but also didn't rule out that I could have anger problems. I've proven myself to T showing her that I'm not actually an angry person.

Also, I admitted to my T that I know where she lives. But I told her that if I show up at her house, she has every right to call the police on me. She agreed.

3.5 years with her and I have never acted out on anger and have never gone to her house. She trusts me.

You deserve a good relationship with a T. You just need to try to find someone who can understand what happened and lay stronger boundaries with you (i.e. clear consequences). I really do hope you find someone. And I hope you learn to forgive yourself.