L.P., start a list of all the lies you know were in fact lies. Start listing the instances whereby you caught him lying outright to you. Include the instances where he gaslighted you, too. Make a complete list, and as far back as you can remember. Then, whenever you are missing him, questioning your reality or losing your nerve, refer to this list. It is a very good reminder of the reasons WHY you are separating and wanting a divorce. In no way should you go back to him. Trust is the cornerstone of a marriage and a healthy relationship. Without trust, you have no strong foundation. That foundation has crumbled. He cannot be trusted at all, and gaslighting is abusive behavior.

Please take good care of yourself right now.