Mouse, so much going on there under the surface. good reply from t... don't be too hard on yourself, k? you've had a lot of time for all that stuff to be built up and ingrained in you - it's not your fault. you're just looking at it from a different angle now.
I thought of you today when i was out - i've been in a bad space and also had emailed t (no response yet), a lot of pent up anger within as well. Today i felt like nothing was in my control. I even went to pull into a parking spot and this gal came around the corner and took it! Never even looked at me. I was really mad, and as i moved on, i had a sudden urge to ram the car in front of me (not even the car that took my spot). I was thinking i've got to get a grip and then broke down crying.
These times where there is so much anger, spilling out on to the people around us....
Keep breathing, and being kind to self - only then can we be kind (non-injurous) to others.
Thinking of you,
Kiya