So ive been depressed for atleast the last 4 years.. probably even longer. Maybe 7 years or since I started university and dating. It's gone on for so long I feel like a shell of a person. I don't feel like myself. I keep thinking "I'm better than this.. this isn't Me" but I've forgotten who I am.

I've been thinking recently what I can do to change this pattern but I don't know what I'm doing wrong or where I could change.

I know I have low self worth and low self esteem. I get insecure, jealous, envy, anger, sad, loneliness, all of the above. My communication skills aren't very good and I struggle socialising with other people. I don't have any friends other than my sisters and boyfriend.

I've been thinking it's been unhappiness in my current relationship . But now I'm not too sure because I was unhappy before i got into this relationship (2 years ago). I've turned into an unhappy needy yet distant person, who must be hard to love.We've had our problems of him always dwelling on his old marriage. The other day he said "You remind me of someone I used to know(ex)? I got upset he apologized. Easy mistake? I over think and find it hard to forget and move on. Maybe I am creating my own unhappiness?.Somehow he still says he loves me.

I've been thinking about what changes I could make to make me happier. Maybe a career change? I could go back and study but I have no idea what I would do. I don't really have interests other than the gym. Should I start a hobby?.- cooking? painting?I've tried finding more friends but my social skills are so crap I don't know how. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety that I can't think clearly.
I've been money obsessed.. I think if I just had more money I would be happier.

If I bought a house I would be happier, If I had nicer nails or nicer clothes I would be happier, If I was married I would be happier, If I had children i would be happier, If i was fitter and stronger i would be happier, If I had a boyfriend who wasn't divorced I would be happier, If I had a pet I would be happier, If I had more friends I would be happier.

How do I get myself out of this cycle. I've tried antidepressants but it killed my sex drive.

I can't keep going on through life like this

Doesn't anyone else feel like this?