no, it isnt rambling or confusing to me Somebody..

sounds exactly how i felt for most of my depresses years.. i worked so hard to remember the good feelings, to learn the good feelings, finding just one one day and it could uplift me a minute, sometimes hours... but next day.... flat again... fro the beginning.... over and over again...

big sigh..... guess id say those days were valuable anyway... cause, i trained myself to keep trying... thru all the confusion and barriers.. had to keep trying...

i hope you do too... things change cause if we try we do grow.... i think we all grow at different speeds tho.... depends on our unique experience, our unique need.... combined is our unique healing...

whatever the source of your pain is, the sooner you come into contact with it the better, imo...

its a scary place, some of us even 'blanked' it out.... maybe thats why the foggy feelings... blanks spots... entire zones of memories behind closed doors... the larger the zone, the larger the blank spot might be....

those memories need to be re-awakened imo... gently and lovingly..... start with love, and you will end there imo....

take care Somebody...