Or maybe burnt out and stretching myself too thin.

I find I'm questionning a lot of things lately. I've talked to a reverend, an archdeacon and some other people and they all say this is normal... but it certainly doesnt help anything to feel more lost than usual.

Okay, so I'm taking a religion minor. I get to learn about Christianity (historically), and a course about Judaism, Christianity, & Islam. All very interesting.

I'm highly involved in the ecumenical chaplaincy at my school, and attend many different groups for religious stuff and try to go to different religious services.

(like for example: I "attend" a Catholic group, a conservative Protestant group, a bible study (protestant), a Catholic bible study, a rosary group, a social justice group for Catholics, and run a social justice group that's GLBTQ centred with liberal Christianity.

(in my area where I live, I've gone to Mass, service at an Anglican church, United church, Wesleyan church, bible church, presbyterian church ... I admit I like all of them for different reasons, but none of them completely. Is that allowed? Do I need to find one church I agree with 100%? Or is that just never going to happen? I never thought finding a church with a nice congregation (some people my own age would be nice), good music, good community, good beliefs, good pastor/minister, and not too far away would be so hard.

I'm trying to read the Bible, an English translation of the Qu'ran, the RC Catechism, and anything about other faiths I can get my hands on (Judaism, Ba'hai, Muslim etc).

I am the proud owner of 3 Bibles. One NIV, one NRSV (Catholic) and one NLT (New Living Translation)... I also now have two rosarys that I've learned how to pray.

... it's like too much structure, and not enough God.

I know God exists. That's theology, not religion. I have a problem with organized religion sometimes, because it all seems so much and complicated and too much politics and differing viewpoints...

And I dont really know what I believe.

I mean, if people ask me - I'm a liberal Christian. Sometimes I'm not even considered a Christian because I'm not baptized or confirmed. If people ask me for my religious beliefs... they're most in-line with the United Church. I say spiritual. I say questionning. I say... I dont even know how to say it without giving myself a headache.

I've got different friends. Some liberal Christians, some conservative, some Roman Catholics (of varying degrees), some atheists, some agnostics, some people of other religions (Bahai, Muslim, Judaism) ... I know people who practice Wicca. I know people who are "spiritual" and not religious. I know so many people and they all enrich my life and I love them all for who they are, and for what they believe, and for everything...

But I get a headache trying to have different groups of friends in the same room together...

I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I enjoy learning about God and people's faith and religion... I just dont know... sometimes I think God must find me pretty ridiculous.

I get mad at God for stuff, and people say that's okay. I never deny He doesnt exist. I believe He does. So I've got that. But I'm still looking for answers to stuff. I'm still looking for acceptance.

And I'm really having problems with God loving me unconditionally. Or just letting Him take over...

I wish I knew how to do that.

I wish I knew what I was doing writing this.

I wish I knew what I am supposed to be doing.

I wish God would be a little bit more clear about stuff in my head.

And I sincerely wish that people would stop trying to convert me at every other minute.

I'm messed up enough as is.

... Sorry.... I'm sad. Scared. Confused. Lost.

Really really lost.