That has to be so painful, to have someone so close be the first person that passed away in your life. It hurts so bad, whether its the first or 5th person that dies in your life, I felt the same way about my grandpa, and so did my mother. They said he was probably dead for about three days. It breaks my heart even to this day, and that was in 2000. Its a pain that will not haunt you forever, but every once and awhile you will think about them and it comes rushing back to you. But as much as that will flood your thought, keep in your mind that they would be sad to see you sad, and they would be happy to see you happy.