I'm sorry you lost someone that you loved dearly. I can't imagine how much that has affected your life.

I do understand isolation and distancing myself from others though. I've been in therapy since January, trying to fix a lot of parts of myself. I lost my brother 2 years ago and haven't really allowed myself to grieve and I pull away from others unfairly.

I don't have much to advise on, but having some guidance to heal yourself would be a good start. It's a weird concept of sharing the deepest parts of myself to a stranger, but I think it's helping to some degree.

Have you thought about therapy?