I’ve been with my T for a while now and though I very much feel we click, I do not feel safe to talk about just anything. I am working so hard to get to a place where I can be more open but it’s very unnatural to me. I suffer from c-ptsd and from a very young age learned to keep my thoughts feelings and emotions to myself. Letting them out was a matter of control and I’m struggling to let go of that. Emotions = pain in my past. I know the past is not happening now, but how do I make myself really KNOW that!
In contrast my T is so very kind and loving. I wish I could allow that to register with me. I think then I’d find therapy very helpful. My T cries regularly in our sessions and though it doesn’t make me uncomfortable to see others emotions. It’s stressful to me because I’m not able to get to a place where I can let those emotions (that I very much have) come out. I feel bad that I upset her all the time. And that although these things do upset me, I’m so panicked about letting my emotions show, I end up looking like a heartless blank slate of nothing.

Has anyone found anything to be helpful. I’m an extremely nervous person when it comes to most things. T is so nice, and I feel guilty that I’m not more comfortable participating. I’m worried I’m wasting lots of my money that I really don’t have much of, but I desperately need the help if it can work.

Thank you for any insights you may have