I have c-ptsd, and I wonder if experiencing emotions might trigger any dissociation, and you might unconsciously have taught yourself not to go near there? When I started therapy, I has trouble even knowing or finding what I felt bc people-pleasing and the focus on insight into the other person made me feel safe. I couldnt even answer a simple question like do you want pizza or Chinese food for dinner - I had no idea. I was numb and blank for my own emotions, but very tuned into those of others. When I did start gradually changing bc my T broke down defenses with me, it was so difficult: dissociating, flashbacks, endless tears. Now things are getting better. I wish you safe travels through therapy!