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Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
I have c-ptsd, and I wonder if experiencing emotions might trigger any dissociation, and you might unconsciously have taught yourself not to go near there? When I started therapy, I has trouble even knowing or finding what I felt bc people-pleasing and the focus on insight into the other person made me feel safe. I couldnt even answer a simple question like do you want pizza or Chinese food for dinner - I had no idea. I was numb and blank for my own emotions, but very tuned into those of others. When I did start gradually changing bc my T broke down defenses with me, it was so difficult: dissociating, flashbacks, endless tears. Now things are getting better. I wish you safe travels through therapy!
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Oh goodness this!!! Thank you for your reply. Its how I am. I can’t make any minor decisions like this. I have no idea what I ever ‘want’ or would ‘like’ in fact i hate the word want. I’d never use it when referring to something for myself.
I never know how something makes me feel, even when I’m feeling strongly, I don’t know the words to explain how I feel. If I’m pushed beyond ignoring something, I shut down and dissociate massively and have a very hard time recovering that week. Perhaps from your experience I can see that maybe I’m just in a place that I will gradually come out from and will move forward.