Hi Guy`s ,
Me too , I have Complicated Grief Syndrome , I can`t cry either.
The last time I really lost it was 1983 , I had a back injury and PT was not going good , and one night I was sitting up in my bed watch tv , thinking am I ever going to walk right again ?
The I just popped , I was crying my eyes out , my late mom heard me and knocked on my door asking if I was alright and could she come in , I said yes , she asked what was wrong and I told her , and being a mom , she of course said all the right things , like PT will work you just have to give it time , and you will be walking like your old self in no time , all that stuff , she was right of course , PT did not really do it , it my have helped , but I spent old of the rest of `83 and half of `84 walking with a cane , someone suggested I see a chiropractor , I said " one of those , thats just phoney " , but I did and although it took a while but I noticed improvement quicker than conventional PT and was soon walking without a cane.
OK so that has no bearing on not being able to cry , sorry about that !!
But that was the last time , in `05 my mom died at home , I had left for a while came back and my dad had this sad look on his face , and I asked what is wrong and he said your mom is not doing good at all , so I checked in on her and she was burning up , I took her temp , it was over 106 so I went into emergency mode , got cold packs from the freezer , of course nothing would have worked , and as I watched her take her last breath , I kissed her on the forehead and told my dad that "mom is gone" , my dad lost it , I thought I must take care of him I don`t have time for sadness , he took of his wedding ring and said "I guess I don`t need this anymore, " I told him of course you do and told him you and mom will always be married , now put it back on , he did. It was at that moment I knew I had to be the strong one , again . So I made all the calls took care of all that needed to be done.
10 years and one week later I lost my dad , talk about June being a hard month
I could not cry then either , I had to look after final affairs and look after me , there was no time for sorrow , over 3 years later , fear has misplaced time.
I told my T if I did cry , I might never come back .
I know I will go nowhere until I cry my Axx Off , I just can`t , so I am stuck between living a life full of fear and living a life full of joy , because I can not accept the grief .
There are times when I will have waking dreams , wondering when my parents will get home , then I snap out of it and say never , they are dead , still no tears , just overwhelming sadness .
I told my T I designed this bridge and everyone on the other side was happy , I could hear them laugh and have a good time enjoying life , but I am stuck here because I am afraid my perfect bridge will fail as I start to cross it , so I just watch a better life from afar .
You want messed up , beat that ?
Keyplayer
