Quote:
Originally Posted by fille_folle
Agree with manatee. I think "I don't care" and "whatever" are rather hostile. It doesn't mean that the husbands are necessarily irritated at you going to do something, but that they are irritable seems quite obvious. And what's wrong with just saying "ok" or "alright" unless you are consciously or subconsciously trying to communicate your unhappiness? I understand that it's tempting to want to believe that your perception was the issue, but from the outside looking in, an exchange where one partner responds to the other with "I don't care" or "whatever" feels hostile and disrespectful. Please don't allow your Hs to gaslight you into thinking they weren't being unpleasant, because they were.
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Thanks, that helps to hear. When I was like, "are you sure it's OK?" he even put it on two lines:
"What
Ever."
Which seemed more hostile to me in a way. And then I was irritated with him, which made me more determined to do my own thing. Which I suppose is actually progress for me, as in the past maybe I'd have just been like, "OK, I'm sorry, I'll just come home..." But this was just like, "You said 'whatever' so I'm taking you at your word and doing 'whatever.'" Which is something T has been trying to get across to me. Like, for example, if I think H might be mad at me, and I ask him once, and he says no--if he is actually mad at me, then that's on him, not me. Because I gave him the chance to say it, and he didn't.
I meant to bring this up with T today, but we had plenty of other stuff to discuss (and it was quite productive, I think).