Sorry to everyone I let down. On the out side it looked like I was throwing away everything I had battled for. So I hope my memories and reflections can shed light on the reality and hardships I was facing from those who were supposed to support and guide me at the time. I felt as though no-one was in my corner. I was going against the grain. I thought that all I needed was my education. And then I find I have to fight tooth and nail to get a supermarket job. Facing the prospect that I had no prospects. At this rate I was about to crash and I knew it. At least I could find a way to feel numb or indifferent just for a night. I had no one to turn to. My friends wrapped up in their own problems.
I will take as much blame as I can. But a horse goes to water when it is thirsty. And if you leave it alone they say: it dies. And my family were not behind me, it was a mirage. I paid with own labours what others had funding from their parents and sponsors. I had a breakdown. I cannot apologise for having a breakdown. And I had left the club before it happened. Did you not get my message.