Well I need to open up, so here goes.

Right now there is a battle inside be and it's between basically two polar opposites.

There is a part of me reaching out spiritually and trying to get centered. This part of me is also the Mother in me, reaching out for the Child in me and hoping to give that part the love I need to survive the storm. This part is beautiful. And joyful. And soulful. This part is life.

There is another part of me that is dark and miserable. I can't share everything about it here, but things are very not good. I hurt. I am hopeless. I am the Forsaken Child, and there will be no changing that.

I have both waging a full-scale war inside right now, and I'm not sure who will win. Or if anyone will. Both are me, it's not two alters.

How can it be that I feel both of these things at once? I am so overwhelmed.

T has talked about similar things (although I haven't recently opened up about it this time). She says I have dissociative barriers that need to be bridged to connect these parts.

I don't know how to bridge these parts. They don't even feel like the same person. When I am in one mode, I can't even conceptualize the other. I can't understand it. It doesn't translate. I cannot move between the safety and the darkness. I cannot bring the two together. And I can't even understand what that would be like.

And it hurts, hurts, hurts.

Any ideas?