Thanks for the support guys. I've already done it twice today and want to do more. Just like my violent thoughts, the SH thoughts and urges won't let up. But I don't act on the other stuff, I don't know why I act on this. I've never needed to do it multiple times in a day (at least not since I was a teenager). I may just be tired of fighting it all, I can't always fight off every urge and thought.